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- Gosh-dern-it-all-tuh-heck!
For those who don't know, J. Golden Kimball was a leader very high in the Mormon church during the early twentieth century. He was famous for his mouth, which was a coarse as a cowboy's (which is what he was while growing up). I've heard it best explained to imagine Will Rogers as the pope. However, because of his down-to-earth language, he was very well-liked and well-understood. In the decades after his death, stories about him have become more and more popular. I became something of a collector of J. Golden stories on my mission, but the final straw for Elder Humphires came when I told one to this nice old lady in the congregation (actually, in retrospect, I think I told it wrong). I can agree with his consternation; having a good laugh about a swearing church leader is funny among missionaries, who hear that language all the time (usually directed at them), but having a missionary swearing in front of an old lady is definately NOT funny. (Okay, I think it's funny now, but in that "I'm o embarrased I ever did something so stupid" kind of funny.)
The following is my favorite J. Golden Kibmal story, so skip it if you're not interested (it's also the one I hear the most):
As the story goes, J. Golden Kimbal was giving a tour of Salt Lake City to some visiting officials from Britain, which was currently living it up with its position as "Most Important Country In the World". As they passed historic buildings, J. Golden would describe the struggles the early pioneers had to raise them in the desert.
"Over there we have our Theater, the largest at the time west of the Mississippi when it was built. It took only four years to build."
The officials nodded, admired, and said, "Yes, yes, and I believe it looks much like a theater recently build in London, but ours only took two years."
Slightly pertrubed, J. Golden pointed out another tall building. "We just completed this building after working on it for a year."
The officials nodded politely, and one said to the other, "It reminds me of the recent building raised for the Queen, but we were able to build that one in only six months."
Finally, very annoyed, J. Golden drove their carraige by the magnificent Salt Lake Temple. The visitors took off their hats and stood up in the carraige. "Wonderful!" they cried. "Magnificent! Mr. Kimball, what building is this?"
J. Golden, with a hidden smile, looked up at the Temple, a look of shock on his face. He looked back at the gentleman. "Well, hell if I know," he said, "the damn thing wasn't there yesterday!"